A Sad Conclusion
Published November 11th, 2008I haven’t posted much on the passage of Prop 8. I’ve tried to consolidate my thoughts on it, gauge what is going on, sentiment and legality. I’ve listened to people I deeply agree with and vehemently disagree with - people I know very well or nearly not at all. Mostly I’ve been frustrated, sad and angry. It isn’t fair. I do not mean this in playground fair - I mean this in the way that this country is founded. Fairness - Equality. The struggle for equal rights in this country started from nearly day 1 in 1776 and - somewhat unfortunately - continues to this day. And beyond. All the talking, thinking, listening I’ve done about Prop 8 leads me to one inescapable conclusion:
No one is changing their mind. Those who oppose gay marriage are stuck there. They are intractable. They are unreasonable. They cannot be engaged in conversation about this. And most of all - they are blind to their own hypocrisy and bigotry. That is the worst part of it all. Any discussion of court decisions and separation of church and state and they become suddenly amnesiacs to why we have those institutions and values. They suddenly forget that the reason they are allowed to have their religious views is because of those things. They refuse to accept that other people don’t share their views and deserve the same rights. One of the most angering statements I recently heard was, “You have to respect that people’s views come from their religion and that’s how they want their society” - actually, no, I don’t have to respect that at all. I completely reject that. This society is an amalgam, just because they have religious views that want to declare people second class citizens does not mean they get to rule by the tyranny of the majority. If the nation suddenly decided that their religion was abhorrent - even though they’ve harmed no one - and voted it illegal, they’d be begging for the courts to protect them. And rightfully so. Pure democracy is no different than lynch mob mentality. The courts are there to protect the rights of the minority. Time and time again, civil rights gains have come from the courts - because the oppressed minority are exactly that - oppressed, in the minority and essentially voiceless. But that does NOT mean they don’t deserve equality. This is no different.
Of late the Mormon Church has come under attack over Prop 8. So has the phenomenon of out-of-state money being used for in-state campaigns. I’m a little sketchy on the first and I believe the second to be a non-issue. Protesting the Mormon Church over this has its place - but ultimately, they are not the majority of people who voted Yes on 8. And their views are just as intractable as the others - we will not be converting them to our side. It is true - and somewhat comforting - to know that a fair number of Mormons (some prominent and famous) came out to side with the No on 8 campaign. I thank them for that support. I hope they will continue to voice their support to their fellow Mormons - they are the only ones with a chance to change their minds. But to protest the Mormon leadership - ultimately a waste of time. They’re not changing their minds and most people won’t care if they did.
They also led the flow of a lot of out-of-state money. But both sides got money from outside California and I don’t see a problem with that. Since marriage isn’t going to be Federally guaranteed anytime soon, the fight must be at the state level. All of them. And that’s going to take a lot of money from all over. Early adopters are bellwethers for the rest of the nation. And eventually there will be issues with getting other states to recognize out-of-state gay marriages, if the couples move, for example. Or are visiting even.
Prop 8 has a good chance of being overturned in the California courts. At least there’s that. There is a good legal argument against it and I hope that fight succeeds. If you voted Yes on 8, I think you need to look very closely at why. Very closely. Remember that marriage has been “redefined” numerous times in this country - allowing African-Americans to marry. Interracial marriage. Divorce laws. And we’re still here. The institution hasn’t fallen. The country hasn’t disappeared. It has simply become more fair, more true to mission of our Constitution. Many people need to learn to disentangle their religion’s views of marriage with the view of marriage from the state. They are not - and should not - be the same. And therefore the laws should not be the same. In fact, I’ll even go so far as to say that if the Mormons want to practice plural marriage - I have no problem with that. Go for it.
Just don’t expect the state to recognize it. Because that’s different. As well it should be.
But all of this is somewhat counterproductive. I won’t convince a single soul with my arguments if they’ve already made up their mind. I feel so strongly about this I almost instantly become louder, combative and - a little bit - rude. So I’m likely only preaching to the converted, a pointless exercise in my view. So perhaps Keith Olbermann can prove me wrong and change some minds with a different tack. I’ll give him that chance right here.
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