Yeah, I Blew It

Published June 16th, 2008

So yeah, true to form and what should have been totally obvious to me from the start - I should not have scheduled the MySQL Developer I exam for Friday the goddamn thirteenth. The first omen was when they called me earlier in the week to tell me that my testing center no longer existed, and that I had to schedule for a new one. I should have taken the hint, but no, I’m not that smart. I simply moved it to another site and proceeded as usual.

Anyway, went in, took the test, and gloriously failed it. It was harder than I expected. I was 3 questions short from a passing grade. Now you could say (validly) that if I was more knowledgeable, I wouldn’t have been so near the cut line.  But, since I had to guess on a handful of questions, you can also say that if I had better luck, I’d have passed. So yeah. That was pretty depressing and disappointing. I plan to keep studying, now that I have a better idea of what’s asked, and take it again in 2 weeks or a month, thereabouts. I think what really got me was the “choose as many as apply” questions - even if I knew 2 correct answers, if I wasn’t aware of the 3rd I miss the whole question. I dislike that, it’s very frustrating to know how to do something, but just not know all the ways of doing it.

Did it end there? Of COURSE not! So while I’m stewing at home (both from heat and from dismay), my ex calls. And technically, she wasn’t my ex, because her last conversation with me was basically “I don’t want to break up, but I need some time to think.” That “time” lasted around 3 months. I gave up on her after 2 weeks. So, she calls, and I’m thinking, “WTF, why today of all days….” She tells me she wants to break up. I laughed and said no kidding, I kinda figured that out over the past 3 months. So she came over, we exchanged apartment keys (and I got my photoshop book back, hooray!) and I shut the door with a “See ya.” - though I don’t plan to. I really didn’t need that aggravation. Friday the damn thirteenth, strikes again.

So that night, I went to a party. I knew pretty much no one there, so it was definitely an exercise in “don’t be an introvert Kevin, and don’t embarrass the host who invited you by being retarded.” And shockingly, I did fine. I had plenty to drink, but not too much, and I was able to converse with pretty much everyone I encountered. No matter how cute I thought they were, in one case, so go figure. So Friday was a day of highs and lows, that’s for sure.

Now it’s Monday, I’m sore as hell from broomball, and I’m having really pretty violent mood swings. On the one hand, I’m really excited from having played sports competently - one I’ve never played before. On the other, I’m really depressed and distressed over the MySQL test and the fact that sometimes I can be incredibly charming and social and other times, I’m apparently boring as sawdust and as appealing as burnt toast. I can’t figure out how to get it all together, how to, on command, impress the people I want to impress (or even find them in the first place). Highs and Lows. That’s all I got right now - and it’s quickly become mostly lows again.  I was hoping passing that test would give me a much needed motivation boost - but instead it’s just made me feel like an incredible failure.

Dammit.

Category: Personal, opinion | Tags: