Friday Flagellation
Published May 30th, 2008*sigh*
Yeah. I’m back in the doldrums again. I mean that very specifically - I am in a stagnant pool in my life. Again.
First let’s roll back to my last “real” post about the haunting in San Francisco. On a random whim, and after much debate, I said “screw it” and called Kyra, fully expecting her not to answer. But lo and behold, she did. Sadly, she had just hopped on the ferry (a mile from my hotel) and was on her way home after work. So I couldn’t see her that night. But I was able to spend 45 minutes the next morning talking and catching up a little. It’s amazing how fast we get along, even after a gap. She instantly makes me feel comfortable, appreciated, liked, special - whatever you want to call it - and I honestly hope I can find someone who makes me feel that way again. Soon. But it was really nice to chat with her, even for a short time. It still amazes me that our personalities mesh so well, even though we’re so totally different. Who knows when I’ll see her again, but at least I know she’s out there.
Which rolls into the whole personal stagnation - the dating pool seems to have dried up, and I’m once again facing an inability to find a match. I don’t understand online dating (or why I’m such a failure at it) and I don’t have really any good ways to meet people “in real life” so I’m at a real loss.
Work is work, I’ve had some success and some setbacks so far in the past month or so, but the run-up to SF and the trip have spun my whole personal achievement schedule off course. I’m way behind on both personal and professional goals for the year - I’ve failed to take the MySQL Cert exam before June 1. I MUST get it done in June. Unfortunately, with the whole ego-bruising personal life problems, I’ve really lost motivation in anything else. I’m just down. I need a kick-start, I need SOMETHING to motivate me. Right now I’m stuck in “oh, what’s the point” land. And I hate it. But once I’m in a rut I tend to stick in the mud.
So that’s 2008 in a nutshell so far. A slow downhill slide to here. Is this the bottom, or merely a ledge? I dunno. People tell me things will get better, and they’re probably right, but at the moment - it’s little consolation. It’s not like things are BAD, its just that I had higher hopes and plans for 2008, and I’m disappointed in both reality and myself.
*sigh*
Ya know oddly enough, for me I have found the fastest way to get myself out of a funk, is to let my self hit a low for a bit. Instead of forcing myself to get out of bed because there is stuff I have to do, I just stay in bed (sometimes all day). Don’t go grocery shopping and just order pizza, don’t do the laundry, not returning e-mails or phone calls, the only thing I clean up is the liter box…
It is weird, but I have more motivation to change my life or do something afterwards, and I stay that way, it is not just a day or two thing.